


Shinji's Offer - Rider's Trust

by CantatriceX (Cantatrice18)



Series: Shinji's Offer [3]
Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bondage, Drama, F/F, Friendship/Love, Gen, Past Abuse, Protectiveness, Public Nudity, Rape Recovery, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-17
Updated: 2011-12-17
Packaged: 2017-10-27 10:55:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/295046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cantatrice18/pseuds/CantatriceX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shirou has agreed to meet with Shinji to try and resolve their differences. But Shinji has a different sort of agreement in mind, and he'll do anything to get Shirou as an ally...even use his Servant's body as a bartering chip.</p><p>In the wake of Shinji's abuse Rider is forced to deal with her fear of people. Saber acts as her guide, helping her learn to trust again.</p><p>The first chapter is identical to the other "Shinji's Offer" stories, after which it changes completely. All the stories are independent of one another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The school grounds, so lively during the day, became dark and eerie at dusk. Shirou hesitated at the gate, wondering for the thousandth time if what he was doing was right. Shinji had proven to be untrustworthy in the past, even attacking him and Saber without warning. Yet he was also Shirou‘s friend. They’d known each other for years; he was Sakura’s brother, after all. Shirou couldn’t believe that Shinji had truly become as ruthless and cruel as he appeared. The message he’d sent had been polite, almost pleading, asking for a meeting just so that they could talk things over. Saber and Rin had vehemently opposed this idea, but Shirou had ignored them. He wanted to hear what Shinji had to say for himself.

He walked carefully past the main school buildings, listening hard for the sound of footsteps or anything that would signal the approach of another person. The evening was silent. He shivered slightly, but felt comforted by the presence of Saber nearby; he’d asked her to remain hidden so that Shinji wouldn’t feel threatened. He could tell the request had annoyed her, but she’d reluctantly agreed.

As he reached the archery building he saw a shadowy figure waiting beneath the overhanging roof. A lamp flared into life to reveal Shinji, seemingly alone. The boy stepped forward, a confident grin spreading across his face. “Glad you could make it, Emiya. We have so much to talk about.” Shirou nodded warily. He was surprised and a little disturbed to find Shinji unaccompanied. He’d expected Rider to be with her master, and wondered whether she was hiding nearby just as Saber was, or whether she was out in the city attacking innocent people, as she had been known to do in the past. The thought of it turned his attention back to Shinji, who was walking towards him, palms raised in a gesture of good will. “Now Emiya, I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but can’t we put those aside and work together? I need my friends supporting me if I’m going to win this Grail war.”

His innocent expression did not disguise the fact that he still referenced winning the war, not ending it. Shirou felt his heart sink slightly. Shinji’s ambition was strong, and would be hard to overcome. “I want to help you Shinji, really, but the things you’ve done have been truly horrible. Telling Rider to feed off of civilians, trying to attack your schoolmates – it’s sickening, and it’s so unlike you.”

Shinji’s smile faltered a bit, revealing a coldness in his eyes, but he quickly recovered his composure. “If you were to join me, I would never dream of attacking anyone at all. I needed the strength of those weaker people to survive this far; you know how inexperienced I am, how I can’t control magic. It was the only way. But with your help, we can uphold our ideals and win this war together.”

His words rang hollow, and Shirou had trouble believing him. Glancing around once more, he asked carefully, “Where is Rider this evening?”

Shinji smiled crookedly. “Nearby. Where is Saber?”

Shirou looked away. He couldn’t honestly expect Shinji to reveal his Servant’s presence when he himself had concealed Saber’s whereabouts. Shinji’s expression had become calculating. “Friends should be honest and open with one another, shouldn’t they? I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.”

Shirou hesitated, then nodded. “Saber,” he called softly. The swordswoman walked cautiously out from behind a tree where she’d been watching.

“Rider,” Shinji said, and his Servant dropped from the ceiling above him, making Shirou jump. Had she been there the whole time? If so, she’d been close enough to kill him before Saber could arrive. His trust in Shinji lessened even further.

Shinji was speaking again. “I realize that last time we met I proposed an alliance without giving you any incentive. It wasn’t fair to expect you to join me for nothing. But now I have a better offer to make: if you join me, I’ll let you use Rider.”

Shirou glanced at Saber, confused. She seemed uncertain as well but became even edgier, if that was possible. Shirou looked back at Shinji, who’s expression was smug. “Why would I want Rider? I have Saber as my Servant.”

Shinji raised a brow. “Ah yes, of course, I should have known you’d received such service from Saber. No doubt she’s excellent. But Rider has certain talents that make her a unique experience.”

He reached out and put a hand around his Servant’s waist. Rider was staring at the ground, unmoving, almost as though she were embarrassed by Shinji’s actions. The boy’s eyes had not left Shirou’s. “If you join with me, I’ll have her show you everything she can do. You’ll have the complete experience, anytime you want.” He smirked and drew Rider closer to him. “Unless, of course, I’m using her. In which case you’ll have to wait your turn. Or perhaps…we might share her.”

He ran his hand further down her body, caressing her hips. Shirou suddenly felt cold. He wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, but he had the sudden urge to slap Shinji. Saber was staring at Rider, who refused to look up. Without warning Shinji shoved his Servant forward, nearly knocking her over. “Go on, Rider. Give him a preview of what he’ll get from you if he joins us.”

Rider didn’t move, and Shinji’s expression darkened. He strode forward, hand raised, and struck her hard across the face. “I told you to show him, Rider. I command you to give yourself to Shirou just as you would to me.”

A book appeared in his hands, command spells gleaming on its cover, and Rider shuddered. Trembling, she reached for her left arm and pulled off her long black glove. Shirou’s confusion turned to shock as she bent over and began to do the same with her stocking, revealing pale limbs that were impossibly beautiful. She’d shifted to her right side and had nearly finished with that glove when Shinji tiptoed up behind her. “Hurry, Rider, you’re keeping us in suspense,” he said gleefully, and sweeping aside her hair he yanked on her collar, choking her, then unbuckled it and let it fall to the ground.

Her body gleamed in the darkness, and each removal of a piece of clothing left her looking more vulnerable. Shirou was mesmerized, but forced himself to look away. He turned towards Saber and was stunned to find her shaking with rage. “That… that bastard,” she hissed. It was obviously taking all of her strength and self-control not to murder Shinji where he stood. “To make her…to force her to do something like that…that vile, that evil – “

Rider had finished with her stocking and now stood clad only in her short black dress. It barely hid her from view, yet Shinji wouldn’t stop there. Still standing behind her, he reached upwards and undid the fastenings at the top of her dress, allowing it to slide downwards and reveal her breasts. Shirou gulped and felt himself start to sweat; she was a goddess, radiantly beautiful and heartbreakingly sad. Shinji wrapped his arms around her, running a finger across her breast. “Stunning, isn’t she Emiya?” he gloated, “And you still haven’t seen the best parts!”

He turned towards Rider and asked in a mock innocent voice, “What do you think, Rider? Should we show him everything?” He kissed her neck and Rider inhaled sharply. Her teeth were clenched, and she looked as though she was trying to block the scene around her from her mind. Shinji laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

With a few quick motions he undid the remaining ties holding up her dress and it fell to the ground, useless. She stood before them all, naked and perfect. Only her mask remained, somehow making her seem even more exposed. Shinji swept her hair back, making sure none of it covered her, and looked at Shirou for approval. “Well? Isn’t she incredible? Tell me you don’t want her, tell me your Saber is better.”

Shirou clenched his teeth at the thought of Saber ever having to endure such humiliation. “Shinji, this is obscene. She’s your Servant, not your slave. How can you permit us, permit anyone to see her like this? Why would you do something so pointless? This does nothing to help you win the Grail war.”

Shinji glanced at Rider greedily. “A man can have more than one ambition, can’t he? Three command spells, three wishes fulfilled. Nothing says those wishes have to be about the war specifically. Besides, this way she can act as a commodity, something to be traded for more practical services.” He looked back at Shirou, all business once more. “So how about it? I can see that you want what I have, and you’d be an excellent addition to my team.” Shirou opened his mouth to answer but Shinji held up his hand. “One last thing before you decide. Rider?”

The Servant bowed her head, fist clenched. “Yes, master.” She stepped forward, coming within a foot of Shirou. He could see Saber move into a defensive stance, ready to pull him out of harm’s way should anything seem out of place. Shirou wasn’t worried about his safety. Rider wouldn’t attack him, not now - she was powerless, handicapped by her own master. He looked up at her, blushing at the curves of her breasts and the nearness of her body. She seemed to hesitate, steeling herself. Then in one fluid movement she leaned over and kissed him. His eyes widened in shock at the unexpected advance. She tasted sweet and slightly exotic; her warmth was so enticing, drawing him in. Closing his eyes, he let himself sink into the sensation of it, unsure of whether he wanted her to stop. His trance was broken by a startled yell from Shinji.

Shirou stumbled back, away from Rider, and she nearly fell. A terrified scream rent the air. “Help me, Rider! Save me!”

In an instant she was gone, her clothes magically reappearing in the wake of his command. A spiked chain materialized in her hands and she threw it just in time to stop a lethal looking arrow from impaling Shinji. She moved into a fighter’s stance, blocking as much of Shinji as she could. Another arrow flew out of the darkness, and Rider sent her chain whipping in the direction of the arrow’s flight. A shadowy figure leapt out of the woods: Archer had come to join the fun. Shirou saw Rin leaning against a far tree out of Rider’s sightline and ran towards her. “Rin, stop! Stop him, please!”

Rin glared at him. “Why should I? What’s been happening here, exactly? I want to know, and I want to know now, because it looks to me like you’d formed some sort of alliance with Shinji. Enough to make out with his Servant, at least.“

Shirou shook his head. “That isn’t what happened. I didn’t want to kiss her, he made me – “

Rin raised her eyebrows, becoming more angry by the second. “He made you? Made you kiss a beautiful naked woman? Don’t insult my intelligence, Shirou.”

Saber had followed Shirou, making sure he was out of harm’s way. Behind her the battle between Archer and Rider raged on. “Shirou is right. He did not initiate contact with Rider. Shinji –“ her calm façade slipped slightly, revealing the loathing that still burned in her eyes. “Shinji forced Rider on Shirou as a way to persuade him to form an alliance.”

Rin looked between the two of them, dubious. “Why would he do something like that? How could he do something like that? Is Rider so shameless, so perverted that- “

“She isn’t!” Shirou said, a little louder than he’d intended. The two women looked at him. “She…she didn’t want to follow his commands. She had to. He ordered her to…to show herself to me.” He blushed, embarrassed, but continued. “He used one of his three command spells to drive her into that position.”

Saber’s eyes widened and she looked towards the battle. “Command spells – He used one just now too, to get Rider to help him. He used one to humiliate her in front of us, and if we assume that he had to use one in order to abuse her himself, then – “

“He’s out.” Rin’s eyes gleamed. “Archer!” She ran towards the battle, Saber and Shirou following “Archer, stop fighting!”

The servant looked at her, brow furrowed. “That isn’t wise, master. I almost have her.”

Rin drew herself up, looking completely confident. “Trust me Archer. Don’t make me use a command spell, it isn’t worth it.”

The Servant hesitated, then sighed and leapt effortlessly back to Rin’s side. “I’d like an explanation, if you please.”

Rin shook her head. “I don’t think you’ll need one.”

Rider stood, panting, in front of Shinji. She had several small injuries that were bleeding slowly through her clothes. At the sight of Archer’s retreat she relaxed her stance, letting her arms drop to her sides. Shinji sat up, collecting himself. “Well Rider, what are you waiting for? Get us out of here, you idiot!”

Slowly, ever so slowly, Rider turned her head to look back at him. Even from a distance Shirou could see the last command spell glitter and fade from the book in Shinji’s hand. The boy seemed not to notice, but there was no doubt that Rider knew exactly what had happened. She turned to face him, staring him down. He looked confused, then angry that she wasn’t following his orders. Striding forward, he raised his arm as though he were about to hit her. She caught his arm with her free hand, her left still holding the spiked chain. Shinji squeaked at the firmness of her grip. “Rider, what are you doing? Let go of me!”

He struggled but she made no move to release him. “You have used your last command spell, Shinji. I am no longer your Servant.”

Shinji’s eyes widened in shock. “No! I won’t let you go – you’re mine!” He yanked free of her grasp and threw himself at her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “You’re mine! You’re mine and you’ll always belong to me!”

Rider tensed at his touch and Shirou knew instinctively what she was going to do. He looked away, closing his eyes, and heard Rin gasp, followed by the thud of a body hitting the ground hard. Rider stood over Shinji, a bloodied spike in her hand. She was staring down at his wide-eyed corpse with utter loathing. “Don’t touch me. Ever.”

She turned away from the body, staggering slightly. She had not taken more than three steps when her chain dropped to the ground with a rattle and she collapsed. Her hair fanned out to cover her as her clothing disappeared, leaving her as naked as before. Shirou walked carefully towards her. “What are you doing?” hissed Rin, “She still the enemy!”

Shirou shook his head and knelt by her side. She was unconscious, her breathing shallow. The wounds along her arms and body weren’t healing as they should be – she was too weak. He moved to her other side, averting his gaze away from Shinji’s crumpled form. Brushing the hair away from her face, he blushed as it shifted to reveal new parts of her body. Even her mask had disappeared and without it she looked young, only a few years older than he was. Saber had followed him and now stood by his side, gazing impassively at Rider. Rin and Archer joined them, with Archer staring disdainfully down at the woman. “It seems pointless to finish her off – she’ll be dead by morning anyway.”

Shirou looked up at him, startled. “Why? She’s free of Shinji, she wasn’t hurt that badly in the battle…”

Rin looked at him like he was stupid. “She’s nearly out of Mana. She has no master to give it to her, and she’s too weak to take it from humans by force.”

Shirou bit his lip. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve to live out her time on earth being abused and humiliated, only to die when she attained her freedom. He looked up at Rin. “I’m not strong enough to provide Mana, not for anyone but Saber, but you are.”

Rin stared at him. “I am, I suppose… but why would I want to? What’s in it for us, keeping Rider alive?”

“She could be a powerful ally,” Shirou said desperately.

“She could also betray us, make a pact with a new master,” Archer pointed out. “Better to end it now, when she can’t resist.”

Shirou shook his head. “I can’t. I can’t allow that to happen. If you try to hurt her, then Saber and I will protect her.” He looked at Saber uncertainly. “Won’t you, Saber?”

The swordswoman nodded stoically. Archer made a disapproving noise deep in his throat. “Emiya Shirou, you are letting your emotions run away with you. Remember that Rider is first and foremost a fighter, and ignore her outward appearance. Do not allow your weakness for her to cloud your judgment.”

Shirou looked down. “I know it must seem like that, but I swear it isn’t. Not entirely. When Shinji was forcing her to do all those things, when he was…touching her, I saw how upset she was. She may be a powerful warrior, but she’s also a person who has feelings and emotions of her own. He was hurting her. And he’d done it before.” He looked up at Rin pleadingly. “I'm not infatuated, I swear, I just want to give her a chance.”

Rin seemed like she was about to speak, but Saber stepped forward and all eyes turned to her. “I agree with Shirou. Rider deserves to live.” Archer seemed taken aback that Saber would support something so illogical. Saber glanced at him before continuing, “Shinji’s commands were vulgar and sadistic, and I believe that the matter should be taken up with the mage’s council. In our current position, no female Servant is safe from such abuse. Shirou could command the same things of me and I would be powerless to stop him.”

Shirou looked horror-stricken. “I would never – I couldn’t possibly do something like that to you.”

Saber smiled slightly and turned back to the group. “As far as Rider is concerned, I believe it would be unfair to consider her a part of Shinji’s 'team' after what he did to her.”

Rin gazed down at Rider and her expression softened. “I still think it’s crazy, but I’ll humor you. I’ll help her. If she takes a single step out of line, though, Archer will be the first to get rid of her.”

Shirou nodded and smiled. “Thank you, Rin. You’re wonderful.”

The girl glanced away, flustered, but composed herself. “Archer?” she queried. The Servant looked quite annoyed, but sighed and closed his eyes. A blanket slowly materialized in his hands. He tossed it roughly to Shirou, who wrapped it around Rider’s body and carefully lifted her into his arms to begin the long walk home.


	2. Chapter 2

Darkness. Memories of battles won and lost, of betrayals, of death, all of it surrounded her with sounds of mayhem and carnage, of whispered promises so easily broken. It hurt to think about, she just wanted it to end, but it wouldn’t, it would never stop, it was her life. A thin stream of silver entered the darkness, wrapping tendrils around her, comforting her. She felt calmer, closer to the real world. The silver pulled her, tugging on her until she began to rise up out of the darkness and into the light.

Her eyelids fluttered open and she saw a sloped wooden roof above her through the familiar pink haze of her mask. A lantern hung from the ceiling, emitting a soft golden glow. The place was unfamiliar. She wondered for a moment whether this was just another dream, but no – she hurt too much for it to be an illusion. And if it were a dream, she would not be feeling the warmth of a hand on her breastbone.

She jerked slightly and the hand drew away. The owner of it came into focus, and Rider was shocked to see Tohsaka Rin kneeling beside her. She tried to back away but her limbs didn’t seem to want to follow her commands. Rin put a hand on her shoulder and pressed her back onto the pillows. “Don’t even think about getting up. You’ve just barely got enough strength to be conscious.”

Her tone was sharp, but her hands were gentle as she covered Rider with a blanket once more. “Where am I?” Rider asked quietly, body tensing as the strangeness of her surroundings became clear.

Rin’s smile had a bit of a smirk to it. “This is the Emiya household – Shirou’s place.”

Every muscle in Rider’s body went rigid; her mind whirled with confusing and terrifying thoughts. Why was she here? Where was Shirou? More importantly, where was Saber? And Archer – if Rin was here, surely he’d be close by. She was in the hands of the enemy, how was she going to escape? Where was her master? Her thoughts slowed as she remembered the disappearance of Shinji’s last command spell, the hatred and loathing as she’d looked at him for the last time. After that her mind had gone blank.

Rin had been watching to see how she reacted. “Shirou is the reason you’re here, actually. He and Saber seemed to think it was best for you to be kept alive.” Her tone softened slightly. “They thought you deserved a second chance, after everything you’d been through.”

Rider could feel heat begin to rise to her face at the memory of being forced to strip in front of them, forced to kiss Shirou… She looked down at herself and was relieved to find her clothes had returned. Rin nodded, smiling crookedly. “Yes, they came back as soon as your body recovered enough Mana. It helped me know when you were healthy enough for me to stop the exchange.”

Rider blushed and looked away. Rin rose to her feet and walked to the door, pausing as she reached it. “I’ll only be gone for a minute. Don’t do anything silly.” Then she left, shutting the door behind her.

Rider gazed around the room, trying to piece together the events of the day before. Shinji had spent all afternoon composing the perfect message, then drew her a crude map of Emiya Shirou’s house and told her exactly where to place the letter. Despite Saber’s watchfulness she’d managed to enter the grounds unnoticed, and left the letter at the door of the dojo as her master had commanded. She’d been tempted to delay her return, but Saber was still on the lookout and she hadn’t wanted to fight unnecessarily - her reserves of Mana were low enough as it was. Reluctantly, she’d returned to the archery building at the school. The rest of the day had been agony. Shinji had paced back and forth for hours, his eyes darting around as if seeing invisible attackers. He’d relieved his nervous energy by berating her, kicking or hitting her for bizarre transgressions such as “standing too still” or “staring.” He’d derived too much pleasure from the violence, she could tell, and so when he began to toy with her collar she knew what was coming. He’d never tried taking her at the archery range, and even though the other students were supposed to have gone home by then there was always a stray chance, that hint of danger that they would be discovered. She’d expected a hand up her skirt or his teeth raking across her flesh. Instead, he’d grabbed her by the hair and dragged her onto the shooting range. There was a barrel in the corner full of spare bowstrings and pieces of rope; he’d chosen several and then forced her against one of the targets. With quick, efficient knots he’d lashed her to the target’s supports, pausing to admire his handiwork. Then he’d gone to the rack and picked out a bow, testing several before deciding on one he liked. Stringing it with ease, he’d aimed at her and fired, a sadistic grin on his face. The arrow had missed her, striking the target just below her left arm. She had not been so lucky on his next shot: the second arrow had pierced through her shoulder. The pain was manageable; it was the arrow itself that had worried her, protruding from her flesh and preventing her from healing. More arrows had followed, hitting her legs, her stomach, her shoulders. She’d been lucky that Shinji had never been a good shot, despite his boasting. He’d grown more and more aroused at the sight of her blood and her helpless body. Carelessly dropping his bow, he’d run to her, ripping the arrows out of her and licking the wounds, savoring her taste. Then he’d taken her, as she’d known he would. The boy’s lust for dominance had been endless. He’d taken pleasure in controlling people, manipulating them for his own pleasure. He’d fooled his classmates into thinking of him as handsome and charming. Even Shirou had been taken in by his ruse. The misguided young man had no doubt convinced himself that he could talk Shinji into giving up on the Grail war. Foolish.

A half-hour before Shirou was due to arrive Shinji had released her, letting her drop to the floor without a second thought. She’d concentrated on healing her wounds, but the work was far harder than expected. The arrows had been left in too long, the Mana required to heal such injuries was considerably more than she could spare. All the same, she’d forced her body to mend. Her supply of Mana dwindled, but for some reason she couldn’t make herself care. She’d long since given up on attaining the Grail. Shinji was too weak a master; he’d be killed before he even came close to reaching it. There was no point in remaining on this earth just to be abused. If her Mana ran out she’d disappear, dissolve into nothingness. At that moment death had seemed like the most desirable thing in the world.

Shinji had pointed out the place where he wanted her to hide, and she’d listened sadly to his conversation with Shirou. The boy was so idealistic, so naive. At her master’s call she’d dropped from the rafters, landing gracefully next to him. His next words had made her blood run cold. It was one thing for him to abuse and torture her himself; he was her master, and he’d commanded her to submit. But offering her to others? Suggesting that she be passed around, even taken by two men at once? The thought of it made her sick to her stomach. Shinji had shoved her forward and she’d felt the sudden, appalling urge to beg, to plead with him not to humiliate her further. But it was too late: Shinji had already used a command spell, and she’d had no power to resist him. As slowly as she could, she’d begun to strip, wincing inwardly as each piece of clothing fell away. Finally she’d stood naked before everyone, Shinji’s depraved usage of her revealed to the world. She’d felt Saber’s eyes upon her, knew the other woman must despise her for her weakness. Servants were supposed to be strong warriors, not toys for their masters to play with. Shirou had protested her treatment, which had shamed her even further. The boy was good-hearted, chivalrous even; she wondered how such a person had become friends with Shinji.

Her master had not finished with her. He urged her forward, and she realized with a shiver what he wanted. Leaning in, she’d kissed Shirou tenderly on the lips, hoping that he’d forgive her impudence. He’d tasted wonderful and he’d made no attempt to pull away, instead relaxing at her touch. Her embarrassment vanished, replaced with a deep and sorrowful longing: If only her master could have been as gentle with her. Shinji’s scream had interrupted her reverie. His command had forced her away from Shirou, and she’d leapt to obey her master. Archer began to battle her and she could sense her remaining stores of Mana dwindling. Her wounds stopped healing; her breath began to come in short gasps; It wouldn’t be long now. Suddenly Archer stopped, pulled away from battle by his master. When he left she‘d felt the threads of her contract with Shinji vanish. The boy had used his last command spell - she was free of him. As she turned to look at him she’d felt a wave of grief and pent up rage at all he’d done to her. When he ran to her it had been the final straw: even after their contract ended he still wanted control over her. She’d driven the spike through him even as he’d clung around her waist. Letting him fall to the ground, she’d staggered away, world spinning. She’d lost so much blood that day. Her knees had buckled and her mind had faded into the darkness.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts, and she pulled the blankets up around herself as Shirou walked in. He was carrying a tray laden with food and smiled awkwardly as he set it down next to her. “I saw Rin downstairs and told her I’d bring this to you. How are you feeling?”

Rider eyed him sidelong for a moment before saying “I have recovered much of my strength. I am grateful for your aid.” Her voice was flat and emotionless, betraying none of her feelings. She wondered again what possible reason he could have had for saving her. Unbidden, the image of him staring at her nude body entered her mind. Could that be why? Had he decided to take control of her now that her master was dead? She didn’t want to believe it, but the cynical part of her kept repeating that he was Shinji’s friend, and had been for a long time. Maybe Shirou shared Shinji’s love of manipulating people, of torturing, of – No. She couldn’t think like that. Shirou was different, she’d seen it herself. He hadn’t tried to capture her, hold her, hurt her, even when she’d kissed him. Even though Shinji had wanted him to.

Shirou was unloading the tray and setting the dishes out neatly beside the bed. “You must be hungry. You haven’t eaten in hours, and your body’s been doing so much healing.”

Now that she took the time to think about it, she realized she was starving. Shinji had never given her food, instead ordering her to feed off humans during the night. There had been no other choice: she would have died without their Mana sustaining her. Taking in raw power like that had been hard on her system, leaving her continually nauseous. The energy, given so unwillingly, had faded fast, and she had been forced to hunt each and every night for new prey. But her last hunt had been over a day ago, and her body cried out for real nourishment.

As Shirou laid out the final steaming dish her stomach rumbled audibly. He smiled. “That’s what I thought.”

Reaching around the side of the tray he pulled out two short wooden sticks, decorated with red and black designs, and handed them to her. She stared at them, then looked up at him. He’d produced a pair of his own, and was busy scooping rice into a bowl. He then used the sticks to pick up bits of rice and shovel them into his mouth, moving at an incredible speed. He froze when he realized she was staring at him. “It’s ok, you can eat. It isn’t poisoned or anything.”

She frowned down at the sticks once more, reluctant to admit her disadvantage. Slowly she spooned rice into her own bowl, wishing Shirou would look away. It was bad enough to have to deal with such odd utensils without him watching her every move. Glancing at him sidelong, she noticed how his fingers wrapped around the sticks and positioned hers the same way. The grains of rice were so small, scattered haphazardly around the bowl. She tried making the pincer-like motions he’d used, but nothing seemed to come into her grasp, and she ended up chasing grains of rice around instead of eating them. She’d thought Shirou was busy with his own meal until a warm hand closed over hers. He looked embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I should have realized you wouldn’t be used to Japanese food. Here,” he positioned her hand properly around the sticks, “hold them like this.”

He took his own pair and demonstrated for her. She thought she’d followed his instructions correctly, but the rice she’d managed to catch dropped from her grasp a mere inch above the bowl. Shirou laughed and she looked away, teeth clenched. Was he taunting her? Was this how he amused himself, setting food in front of her and then making it impossible for her to eat? She dropped the sticks with a clatter, heart sinking. He wasn’t different from Shinji after all: he loved seeing her helpless. She wondered what he would use - the bedroom looked so sparse. Surely he must have a stash of rope set aside to bind her and keep her submissive. Or did he expect Saber to restrain her? Or Archer, since Tohsaka Rin was here as well? Were they all a part of this, had she exchanged one tormenter for four more?

She hadn’t noticed that she’d begun to shake until a hand rested on her shoulder. She jumped, and Shirou quickly withdrew his hand, a worried expression on his face. “I didn’t mean to offend you. Here, I’ll help.” He quickly picked up a bit of egg omelet from one of the smaller dishes on the floor and held it out towards her. She stared at it, uncomprehending. “Well, go on, eat. It wouldn’t be right to let you go hungry because of my thoughtlessness.”

He was blushing slightly, but his hand was steady. After a second more of hesitation she leaned forward and accepted the bite. It tasted wonderful, completely new to her yet immensely satisfying, and her body pleaded for more. Shirou continued to feed her, taking bits from every dish so that she could see what she liked. He drew closer to her so that he would not have to reach as far, and she didn’t recoil from him. He spoke about trivial things, not expecting any sort of response. Before she knew it the dishes were empty, and she felt truly full for the first time. Shirou gathered the dishes back onto the tray and left. As the door swung closed behind him she called out softly, “Thank you.”

She’d thought he’d left, but he poked his head back in and smiled. “Of course, Rider.”


	3. Chapter 3

An hour later she was curled into a ball, drenched in sweat. Her entire body felt as though it were on fire. She was in too much pain to move when she heard footsteps approach. Firm hands turned her over onto her stomach. Her vision blurred but she could still make out the form of her visitor: the blonde hair and strong shoulders were unmistakable. Saber sat beside her, a wet towel in her hand. She brushed aside the tendrils of Rider’s hair and laid the cloth on the back of Rider’s neck. “You ate, didn’t you?” she inquired coolly.

Rider nodded, then winced as her head throbbed. Every inch of her hurt from the inside out. Shirou had said the food wasn’t poisoned, but obviously what was safe for him wasn’t safe for her. She refused to believe he would do this to her intentionally. His innocent conversation with her earlier had convinced her of his goodwill; he would never stoop so low as to lace her food.

Saber had reached beneath the sheet and pulled one of her arms into the open. Resting it against her knee she began to massage the muscles, working from the shoulder down. Rider shuddered at her touch. For a moment the pain in her arm seemed to double, then it slowly began to fade. Saber finished and moved to the other side of the bed, performing the same task. As she worked the muscles relaxed, releasing the tension that had kept the pain trapped. Silence reigned, broken only by Rider’s shallow breathing. Then Saber stood and walked to the end of the bed, pulling aside the sweat-soaked sheets. That got Rider’s attention. “Saber, what are you doing? What’s wrong with me?”

Saber didn't answer. Instead she gripped one of Rider’s ankles, pulling her leg straight, and began to work her way upward. Rider tensed as Saber’s light fingers ran over her thigh, brushing against the hem of her short dress, and cried out at the resulting wave of pain that coursed through her. Saber stopped, staring at her for a long while. Then slowly she lowered her hands and sat on the end of the bed. “Your body is having a reaction to the consumption of solid food. Mine did the same when I first ate in this world, though your reaction seems more extreme. I suppose you’ve been receiving nourishment from attacking humans?” Rider was silent, which was enough of an answer for Saber to continue. “While you are in Shirou’s house you must refrain from doing so. He frequently has human visitors and should not have to be concerned for their safety.”

Rider’s jaw clenched. “I have no intention of harming any human now that I am free from my master’s control.”

Saber was staring at her again, though it seemed that some of her hostility had faded. “I am glad.”

She resumed work on Rider’s legs, pulling down her stockings and massaging the knots out of her muscles. “Our bodies have trouble adjusting to different energy sources. It will get better eventually.” She shifted until she was on her knees, straddling Rider’s legs, then moved her hands up until they rested on the woman’s lower back. Rider could feel her heart rate begin to climb. She had no way to defend herself against such an opponent. If it was Shirou on top of her then maybe, maybe she could fight him off, but her body was pitifully weak and the pain still hummed ominously in her limbs. Even her mystic eyes would have no effect: Saber was completely magic resistant. The woman had free rein and could do what she wanted. Rider felt her breath start to come in short gasps as Saber’s fingers worked their way up her back. The other Servant had moved forward so that she was practically sitting on Rider, blocking out the light from above. Her hand snaked back, darting under Rider’s skirt and brushing across her buttocks. Every muscle in Rider’s body went taught, an anguished cry escaping her lips as the pain returned in an instant. Her vision began to fade to black around the edges and she desperately struggled to remain conscious. She felt the weight of Saber’s body vanish, the hands pulling her onto her back and caressing her face, brushing her sweat-soaked hair away from her forehead. Saber knelt by her side, eyes sad. “So it’s true. I had to be sure. How many times, then?”

Rider stared at her, confused and still shuddering. “I don’t – what are you talking about?”

Saber sat back on her heels, gaze still fixed on Rider’s trembling body. “I touched you to see how you’d react. I needed to know whether last night’s vulnerability was a ruse. Shirou is very trusting, very naïve, and I will do whatever it takes to keep him from getting hurt. If your aim was to seduce him, I had to stop you.”

Rider closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. “Rest assured, I have no such schemes in mind.”

Saber nodded and repeated quietly, “How many times?”

Rider shook her head, bewildered, and Saber sighed, seemingly reluctant to explain further. “The inadvertent reactions you gave just now, especially as I drew closer to your center, showed how reluctant you are to be touched. You seemed afraid of me, not as an opponent in battle but as an attacker of a different sort. Your breathing, your pulse, everything indicated that you expected me to assault you. I cannot imagine an instance where you would have been summoned possessing such fears, which can only mean you acquired them in your time here. This is the tenth day, so I ask you again, how many times?” Reaching forward she took Rider’s hand lightly in her own. “How many times did Shinji rape you?”

Rider inhaled sharply and turned away, appalled that Saber would ask such a thing. Was she searching for Rider’s weaknesses? Did she intend to tell her master or Rin or Archer about her assessments, about Rider’s reactions to being touched? The fear of attack overwhelmed her again – there were so many of them, she was in their power, they would know she was vulnerable and use her fears to control her.

Saber began to speak, voice soft and soothing. “I don’t want you to misunderstand my intentions. I will not humiliate you or hurt you. I would like to know so that I may aid in your recovery as best I can. Shirou wishes for you to start life over again, healthy and free of restraint. He is idealistic, sometimes too foolish and trusting for his own good, but in your case I can agree with him. However, he is too noble to truly grasp something of this nature. Shinji was his friend. Tohsaka Rin would better recognize your situation for what it is, but even so she is still young. I am the one best able to help you.”

Rider closed her eyes tightly. Gritting her teeth, she began to mentally tally Shinji’s offences. She hadn’t tried to count them before; there had been no reason to do so as she had been certain of more attacks to come. When had the first time been? The night of the first day? It seemed so long ago. He had convinced her to bathe, telling her it would relax her and make her more fit for battle. She had enjoyed the feel of the hot water on her skin until he’d entered unannounced, staring lasciviously at the curves of her body beneath the surface of the water. She hadn’t been afraid of him then. She hadn’t known everything he was capable of. He was her master: she’d trusted him.

He’d knelt by the side of the bathtub, all innocence. “Rider, tell me, can I use my command spells for anything at all, even if it isn’t for the Grail war?”

More than anything she wished that she’d lied. Instead she’d nodded assent. He’d grinned, a cold, triumphant smile. “How delightful. Rider, I believe we are going to have a wonderful time together. Or at least, I am. As my first command, I order you to give yourself to me whenever I ask it – your body will be mine for everything I’d like to do with it.”

She remembered her surprise, how it had turned to shock and revulsion when he’d begun to remove his clothes. The water from the bathtub had flooded the floor, overflowing every time he moved on top of her. He’d made her clean it up afterwards.

From that night on he’d taken advantage of her whenever he had the chance. He often became frustrated or angry at school, and when he did he would use her as a way to vent his feelings. Nowhere was safe, and she quickly became familiar with every dark corner and unused classroom. Once, when a teacher had made him stand in the hall for coming late, he’d retaliated by stretching her out across the teacher’s desk and enjoying her there, laughing at the idea that his teacher would never know what had happened on top of his papers and books. He particularly loved when other students were mere feet away, oblivious to his crimes. It was clear, however, that despite the frequency of his assaults she was receiving no Mana from him. Her health deteriorated, and his answer was to molest her even more, punishing her for her weakness while trying to prove that he was enough of a magus to join with his Servant correctly. Near dawn on the fifth day he stopped suddenly in the midst of fondling her, running from the room and leaving her bound to a chair. He’d returned ten minutes later, holding his book of magic and grinning maliciously. Flipping through the pages, he found the section he’d been looking for and shoved it under her nose. It contained a graphic description of how a Servant could suck the Mana from a human’s body. “From now on, Rider, you’ll get your food this way.”

She hadn’t had a choice. Her strength had been fading fast, and she’d needed it both to fight in the grail war for Shinji and to defend herself against him. The weaker her body, the more painful his attacks. Egged on by her capacity for healing, he’d begun to experiment with new forms of torture. She hadn’t disobeyed him when he’d pointed out the targets he wanted her to consume; she hadn’t pulled away when she’d seen their terrified faces. She’d feasted upon them, just as Shinji had feasted upon her. He’d exulted in it, watched gleefully as she drained the life from their bodies. It became his new favorite pastime. It sickened her that she was grateful for his change of focus, grateful that he’d turned his attentions to innocent people. And so she’d used every bit of willpower she had to subvert his orders: not once did she ever kill a victim. Their recoveries would be long and painful, but recover they would.

She was startled to feel a tear run down her face; she never cried, not once during Shinji’s torments. It was only now, looking back on them and trying in vain to count, that she could give in to weakness. Saber saw her distress and gently wiped the tear from her cheek. The question still hung between them, unanswered, and Rider drew a deep, shuddering breath. “Thirty-one. Thirty-one times.” She did not tell Saber about the other things: the fondling, the humiliation, the beatings. She did not include the many times he would finger her, darting a hand beneath her short skirt without warning, even when she was crouched into a battle stance, ready to defend him. She did not mention the torture Shinji worked into his assaults, nor his taste for her blood. There was only so much Saber should know, and only so much she herself could admit. Saber took her hand, weaving their fingers together, and Rider saw such pity in the other Servant’s eyes that she wanted to die of shame. She felt a horrible pain in her chest that had nothing to do with her muscles or her reaction to the food. Turning away from Saber, she hid her face in the pillows. “Will you please go?”

Saber nodded and rose to her feet, leaving as silently as she came. As soon as Rider was sure the other Servant was gone she relaxed, letting her tears flow unchecked. She cried for hours, finally sleeping from sheer exhaustion as dawn lit up the horizon.

She faded in and out of consciousness, dark dreams swirling around her. At one point she was awake enough to hear Rin arguing with someone, at another she heard Saber tell Shirou to let her sleep. She only fully awakened that evening when Rin entered carrying another tray full of food. Shirou followed and the two of them sat on either side of her bed. She glanced at them warily. Shirou was smiling as he hunted in his pockets, finally pulling out the same pair of chopsticks she’d struggled with the previous night. “You’re not going to get better if you don’t practice. I’ll help you, don’t worry.”

Rin made an impatient noise. “Honestly, Shirou, you have no sense of perspective.” She turned to Rider, looking serious. “We’d like to ask you about the intelligence you gathered under Shinji’s command. He had you scouting a great deal, and we’d like to know what to expect from our enemies. If you have any information that could help us, then – “

“Rin, can’t that wait 'till after dinner? She hasn’t eaten in hours!”

Rin glared at Shirou. “You’re not helping.”

The boy shrugged and began spooning rice into a bowl. “I think it’s more important for Rider to recover before we start interrogating her.”

“I’m not – “ Rin sputtered, “I’m just asking a few questions, it isn’t that invasive.”

Shirou ignored her and positioned Rider’s hand around the chopsticks. “Hold it like this, then make the smallest motion possible to move the tips apart and back together.” Rider tried it a few times and Shirou grinned. “That’s better. Now lets try actually eating.”

Rin was still making incoherent noises of frustration, but finally she threw up her hands in disgust. “Oh all right, dinner first, but later we really do need the answers to a few questions.”

Shirou handed her a bowl full of rice and her own chopsticks. “You’re just saying that because you’re hungry.”

Rider felt herself begin to smile as she watched Rin turn red with anger once more. For now, these two were not a threat to her. Glaring down at her rice, she began to practice with her chopsticks.


	4. Chapter 4

Shirou and Rin left after dinner. She’d done her best to answer their questions, though none of the information she had was particularly helpful. As she settled back once more among the pillows she heard a drawling voice emerge from the far corner of the room. “Well, I see you’ve been enjoying yourself with the masters.”

Archer materialized from the shadows, walking slowly towards her. His lips were curled in a derogatory sneer. “Did you enjoy it when they treated you like a prize pet, feeding you tidbits? Or were you perhaps waiting to bite the hand that fed you?”

She sat up, incensed by his tone and what he'd implied. He took her movement as an opportunity. Stepping over her so that she lay between his legs he grabbed her by the collar, lifting her into the air. Smirking, he wrapped his other arm around her torso, strong hand gripping her ribs and pulling her towards him. “I much preferred it when you were naked. At least then I knew you were just a harmless plaything.”

His thumb rested carelessly against her breast and she could feel herself begin to hyperventilate. She clawed at him, frantic to get away, to get his hands off of her. The collar was choking her, he was going to touch her, he was so close already and she couldn’t break his hold. Would he kiss her and toy with her first, or force himself on her straight away? Her vision grew dark around the edges and she moaned – she couldn’t let herself pass out; he would be free to do what he liked with her once she was unconscious. Would he kill her when he was done, or simply degrade her until she wished she were dead? Archer was staring at her, brow furrowed. At the sound of her voice his grip slackened, and he lowered her back onto the ground. She curled up into a ball, hands moving down in a vain attempt to shield herself.

“Archer!” A sharp voice rang out across the room; Saber had entered, and she ran to Rider’s side. She knelt and checked to make sure the other Servant was still conscious, still breathing, then looked up at Archer, eyes murderous. “What were you thinking? She is under our protection, at the order of both our masters. Why would you choke her, accost her like that?“

Archer stepped back, looking disdainfully down at the woman on the floor. “I was simply informing her of the consequences should she betray us. I think she understands the situation better now.”

Saber shook her head in disgust, laying a light hand on Rider’s shoulder, and the Servant felt her shaking begin to subside. For some reason their conversation the night before had created a sense of connection between them, and Rider felt a strange sort of trust in the other woman. She quickly shoved the feeling aside; she couldn’t afford to depend on anyone for protection. After all, Shinji was supposed to have protected her as well. Archer had turned and walked casually to the window. Without a backward glance he leaped out, ignoring Saber’s reprimands. The other Servant was incensed, but calmed once it was clear that Archer was gone. She turned to Rider, who was still huddled on the floor, and ran a light finger down the woman’s cheek. “Will you tell me what he did?”

Rider shook her head. “It wasn’t that bad. He was concerned for Rin’s safety, he just wanted to make sure I wasn’t a threat to her –“

“Which he managed in the coarsest way possible. Honestly…” Saber grimaced, looking at the window through which Archer had exited, but when she turned back to Rider her expression was grave. “That isn’t who I meant, though.”

Rider shuddered, and Saber moved closer so that the woman’s head lay in her lap. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I think it would be better for me to know exactly what caused this response.”

Rider was silent for a long moment, then forced out a single word: “Choking.”

Saber waited for her to continue, and Rider looked away. “He liked choking. He liked it because it weakens you, makes you defenseless.”

She fingered her collar as the image of Shinji’s sadistic grin filled her mind. Saber stroked her hair, eyes sad. “I’ll try to keep Archer in check.”

Rider didn’t respond. She was slowly getting accustomed to the sensation of Saber’s fingers through her hair and the soft warmth of the Servant’s body through her dress. Saber was different that the others in the house. Even Shirou and Rin, who had saved her life, were harder to be around. Saber was a Servant, a female Servant who understood what it must be like to follow repulsive commands and be unable to stop an attacker. She never for a moment thought that Shirou might do such degrading things to Saber; the thought of it made her want to hold the other Servant and protect her innocent body from harm. Without even realizing it she reached up and ran a hand down Saber’s arm. The Servant froze, but Rider didn’t stop, enjoying the feel of the woman’s soft skin. “Thank you. Thank you for caring.”

Saber pulled her upright and embraced her, allowing Rider’s head to rest against her shoulder. “I care for you a great deal, and I want to make sure your mind recovers as well as your body.”

Rider smiled cynically. “I don’t know if that’s even possible.”

For answer Saber pulled her closer. “I know it’s possible, because just last night you shrank away from my touch. But you aren’t nervous now, are you?”

Rider shook her head. “I’m not, but I should be. If I wasn’t such a fool I would mistrust everyone – even the most innocent looking people can end up using you.”

Saber ran her fingers through Rider’s hair. “You shouldn’t be afraid to trust Shirou. He cares for you too.”

Rider pulled away and after a moment’s hesitation Saber let go. Rider was staring towards the door, eyes distant. “Shirou is being misled.”

Saber inhaled sharply, her expression suddenly wary. “Misled? How?”

“He only sees the outside.” Rider turned towards Saber once more. “He sees a Servant, shy and awkward perhaps, but one that is weak because she has no master.”

Rider reached out a trembling hand to Saber. “You see me differently. You know why I shrink away from people, and you know the reason for my weakness isn’t that I have no master, but that I had too much of one.”

She’d drawn closer, creating a new embrace. “I hope that I can hide my past from Shirou and Rin; they are both so young, they shouldn’t know. But even if they find out, they won’t understand. No one but Servants can understand what it feels like to be commanded, and only you, as both a woman and a Servant, can understand what Shinji’s commands meant to me. I trust you because I have to.” She looked up at Saber, steeling herself. “Please forgive me. I need to try.”

Saber frowned, but Rider had no time to explain. Before her courage could fail her she leaned forward and tenderly kissed Saber on the lips.

She heard a gasp, followed by a crash, and the pair broke away from one another, searching for the cause of the noise. Shirou stood in the doorway, the remains of a tray in pieces at his feet. His expression was horrified as his gaze flitted from Saber to Rider, but before either of them could speak he was gone, running down the stairs and out the front door. Saber leapt to her feet and followed him, leaving Rider alone and in shock.

It took a moment for the reality of her situation to set in. Shirou had looked so appalled to see the two Servants together. What must he have thought? Rider clenched her fist. If he hadn’t heard their conversation, the sight of them kissing must have told him all sorts of things. He might think she’d been trying to seduce his Servant, or worse, that Saber had betrayed him. No matter what he thought it was bound to reflect badly on her, and she hated the idea of him despising her. He’d done so much to care for her, and this was how she’d repaid him. Struggling to her feet, she made her way carefully down the stairs. The chill of the night air drove away any lingering pain or stiffness. She set out after the pair, following their trail. Shirou had run towards the forest, a blessing in disguise for her; though Saber was adept at hiding her tracks, Shirou had no such training. The broken branches and scattered leaves left no doubt about the path he’d taken. She felt her spiked chain materialize in her hands and used it to pull herself into the higher branches. The forest became darker around her – the moon was barely more than a sliver – and she slowed when she heard sounds in the distance. Creeping through the branches, she stopped when she was mere feet away from the source of the noise. As quietly as possible she dropped to the ground, hiding behind the trunk of a large tree. Leaning back against it, she closed her eyes and listened.

“- can’t believe you,” Shirou was saying, his voice harsh with emotions. “You, and her, and-“

“Shirou, please,” Saber said soothingly, “I can explain.”

Rider heard a thud and a few pine needles dropped from the branches above her – Shirou had slammed his hand against the tree.

“Explain? You were all over each other, what is there to explain? And after all your lecturing about trusting the enemy!”

“It isn’t like that. I just came to help her after –“

“I want to help her too, but kissing her is different. You shouldn’t, you’re both Servants and, and...“

“And both women?” Saber asked coldly.

“No, that isn’t what I mean,” Shirou added hurriedly, “I just – It’s wrong, that’s all. You’re my Servant.”

There was a long silence; Rider listened intently, worried they might move to where they could see her.

When Saber next spoke it was both softer and nearer, as though she’d crossed to stand next to Shirou. “I can understand your feelings. The nature of this war is such that a master must be sure of his Servant’s loyalty at all times. I promise you that I’ll still protect you and fight for you, and I understand if you want to keep the two of us apart. But Shirou…if you choose to go down that path, please know that you will have to use a command spell to force me away from her.”

Rider smothered a gasp. She’d never expected Saber to go so far in defending her. A hint of warmth bloomed in her chest, but she pushed the feeling aside and strained to hear.

Shirou’s voice had dropped to a whisper. “Why, Saber? Why is she so important to you?”

Saber hesitated, but when she spoke her voice was strong and unwavering. “Rider and I share a bond. As a Servant, a female Servant, I am able to connect with her in a separate way than the rest of the world. But on a more intimate level, I have found myself longing to protect her and care for her, something I have never felt towards anyone before. As king, I could never become close with anyone for fear of revealing my true sex. My marriage was loveless and false, my friendships guarded and superficial. Rider is the first person that I feel I can open my heart to. Since she, also, must learn to trust people, we are suited to one another.”

She stopped for a moment, and Rider could hardly breathe. Had Saber really claimed to trust her? Why? She’d never done anything to deserve that kind of faith. The thought of Saber’s arms around her made her tingle, and she longed to breathe in Saber’s unique perfume again. Of all the people in the world, for her to have found Saber…

Shirou mumbled something, so soft that she couldn’t hear.

“Love?” Saber said hesitantly. “I’m not sure. We just… we need one another. Emotionally and, yes, physically too. It may turn into something greater, but time is so uncertain in this fight. Who knows how long any of us will last?”

Shirou sighed. “I know. And I know you’ll be good for her, too. What are you going to tell her?”

Rider gasped and spun as she felt a hand on her arm, barely stopping herself from impaling Saber. The Servant smiled knowingly as she pulled Rider into a warm embrace. “I don’t need to tell her anything. She already understands.”


End file.
